Parted at Parties

I know I haven’t updated in a while. I had every intention to… but with it being Chanuka and all the parties that entails… I didn’t really get around to it.

Chanuka is party time is family time…

My family, like every family consists of all sorts of people. The nice, the annoying; the bright and the dull; the smart as well as the – let’s just say not-so-smart. And although I so often wish I didn’t – I love them all.

Every year it’s the same – yet different. Of course, no one is going to object if the food resembles the one from a year prior – as a matter of fact, it’s practically expected for the food to be ‘traditional’! But everyone tends to expect a new ‘program’. These ‘programs’ usually consist of games or some other forms of entertainment that will keep the kids and adults occupied.

The kids are usually easily pleased with a small ‘grab-bag’ game of sorts. It is inevitable that one of the children will end up crying – claiming that they gave more than they got. Welcome to the REAL WORLD... And then, depending on the party and the crowd, we were sometimes able to keep the kids quiet for another hour or so – with a ‘kosher’ movie. For some that meant Sesame Street or Winnie the Pooh, others it was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and for others yet it could only be Uncle Moishe or the Torah Tots – at this particular party there were still others that felt that anything that involved looking at a computer screen should be off the list of possibilities. So be it. We came up with other ideas.

For the adults though, things weren’t so simple either. Of course we wanted an activity that was fun as well as funny – but I wasn’t counting on someone being concerned about keeping the interaction between the sexes to a minimal. Apparently there are some who feel that sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law are halachicly ‘fremdt’, and as such they aren’t really permitted to freely converse with each other. Obviously I wasn’t raised with that perspective and to the chagrin of those of a different persuasion - I rarely abide by it either. While I would never go out of my way to make anyone feel uncomfortable – I find that indeed, most don't have any objections. At least there is usually no obvious display of discomfort.

This Chanuka though, these ‘beliefs’ that are harbored by some, came into play. Only because I initially couldn’t come up with an activity that will have all entertained without requiring ‘interaction’. I was given the go-ahead on planning a game that will involve everyone laughing at the same jokes, apparently that was still permissible, but once there was a risk of the possibility of the conversation reaching across the table, then we should perhaps look into the idea of separate rooms. To be fair, this was the idea of only one sister-in-law, and an opinion that I felt that she was perhaps permitted to hold, only because that was how things are done by her parents. Nonetheless I found it surprising. If sisters or brothers –in-law aren’t ‘immediate’ family – then who was left?

I’ve come to realize that things have changed. And not in the way that I thought. I used to worry that we are losing sight of so many important traditions – but at the rate we’re going – what with us picking up so many new ones, we can all rest assured that Ultra-Orthodoxy ‘vet derleben Mashiach’en’.

We ended up having a grand time in spite of these new found halachos. Or maybe it was ‘because of’ them? Whom am I kidding? There was neither less teasing nor any lessening in cross-gender banter… We made fun of each other as much as we always did. Isn’t that what these events are about?

Actually – that and kvitlech. Which was fun – and I won! Not enough to make me feel badly for the ones who lost, but enough to make me feel good about my playing skills. As for those that did lose, I loved their good-natured, easy going attitude of ‘Hey it’s ok, it all stays in the family…’. Another important tradition observed.

In a family where we don’t openly express our love for one another, as talking about ‘love’ in any denomination is considered taboo, the love is palpable. From the sons who are precisely what their parents always dreamed for them to be – to the son who dances to his own tune... From the daughter who can switch places with her mother – and no one would notice the difference, to the one who attempts to assert her individuality every day, lest someone might (once again) compare her to her sister… We’re family, we’re one. And for better or for worse we’ll love each other - - ‘til death do us part.

As the clock will unabashedly reveal – this party was a late one. Which probably accounts for my tiredness, and subsequent lack of inhibitions, and my willingness to share these half-formulated thoughts. But isn’t that what blogging is all about? It isn’t? Oh well… for now – this will have to do.